sad news

I put Flash, my toy poodle, to sleep on Thursday. It was awful and I feel such a loss! He was 17 years old and was with me longer than I've been married. Flash experienced SO much of my life that I cry every time I think of it: moving apartments, dating, boyfriends, marriage, babies, etc. He was a wonderful boy and I thanked him for being mine. In the back of my mind, I knew it was time. I felt torn because who am I to decide my dog's life is over? On Monday I noticed his eye was goopy and thought he had pink eye. Do dogs even get pink eye? By Wed. it was really gunky and I kept washing his face. Thursday, I cancelled his grooming appointment and got him in with the vet b/c the white of his cataract eye was completely blood red! I was scared b/c I think I knew. Max (my rescue Havanese) knew Flash was sick too. He had been sniffing and licking him incessantly the last two weeks. He was also very aggressive towards him. The dynamics around here are very different. It's quiet without him. He wasn't noisy as he slept 22 hours a day and only barked b/c he could hear Max's bark. Otherwise, he was deaf and pretty much blind. He was incontinent and needed me to constantly change his diapers. He needed me to clean him b/c he couldn't clean himself anymore. I had to carry him up the stairs. I had to lift him into bed and help him out of bed as his legs would give out when he landed. I was scared he was going to break a bone. I was a caregiver to my lovely old boy. Flash smelled terribly, but I loved him unconditionally and I miss him so much. Max misses him too.